LOSE YOURSELF
I tend to move too fast but sometimes most of the time i feel like id rather give it all of my heart in the moment rather then dwell on it an make it something that my head decides.
I feel like a “me” day or week is due every so often and when it does happen I hope and pray that there’s no damage to the people around me. I just know that I need LOVE and most of all SUPPORT. You’d think that you could get exactly that from your family relatives but like I said before just because we share the same blood and chromosomes does not mean youre my family. When someone tells you “ughh youre- youre just being you! ugh!” like WTF is that supposed to mean? oh thank you for letting me know that who I am as a person is “ugh” when im already down in the dumps. All I have to say to my haters is keep looking up at me because im doing exactly that *moving up* whether im a lone dead or alive. It just bugs me that when you have other peoples back they turn around on you so quick once they get what they want or are happy with themselves. I know you shouldnt ask for anything in return but fuck sometimes I want to be selfish I mean is SUPPORT really that much to ask for. I guess it is.
During these short episodes when im able to get lost within myself. My emotions will wild out…All the fear and hurt I feel come full on slapping me in the face with no warning… And then I am reminded of how much it hurts sometimes
Naturally we like to bury what hurts most as a defense mechanism and it fucking sucks it’s the worst thing you can do to your heart.
I lose myself all over again and then I prepare for war battling the confidence I have in my self and the decisions I’ve made, lowering myself and then pulling out of it when needed but somehow I find my way back, somehow I win the war.
I feel comfort in knowing that there will always be a light at the end of my tunnel only if I allow it. It also scares me too because I know I can just as easily close it or keep it shut because when you’re sad or in a fit of rage there’s no stopping sometimes..
When you let it take over you it’s like you’re somebody else. I numb myself.
